Saturday, September 22, 2007

And I've never been to Boston in the fall....

Those darned Boston cops are at it again (Massachusetts State Police, actually, but they're still cops in Boston). I guess making complete asses of themselves over the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Lite Brite signs wasn't enough for them, so they've done it again.

Our terrorist du jour is an MIT student by the name of Star Simpson.
It seems that this young woman went to Logan International Airport with a fake bomb strapped to her chest. Or at least that's the official story. Or at least the story I read on
Star Simpson, 19, was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and approached an airport employee in Terminal C at 8 a.m. to inquire about an incoming flight from Oakland, according to Major Scott Pare of the State
Police. She was holding a lump of what looked like putty in her hands. The employee asked about the plastic circuit board on her chest, and Simpson walked away without responding, Pare said.

Outside the terminal, Simpson was surrounded by police holding machine guns.

"She was immediately told to stop, to raise her hands, and not make any movement so we could observe all her movements to see if she was trying to trip any type of device," Pare said at a press conference at Logan. "There was obviously a concern that had she not followed the protocol ... we may have used deadly force."

Simpson was arrested, and it was quickly determined that the device was harmless.

"She said it was a piece of art and she wanted to stand out on career day," Pare said. "She was holding what was later found to be playdough.

* * *

Simpson was charged with possessing a hoax device and was arraigned today East Boston Municipal Court. She was held on $750 cash bail and ordered to return to court Oct. 29.

* * *

"Thankfully because she followed our instructions, she ended up in our cell instead of a morgue," Pare said. "Again, this is a serious offense ... I’m shocked and appalled that somebody would wear this type of device to an airport."

In case you were wondering, here's what this imitation IED looked like:

You'll notice the sergeant pointing to large amount of imitation explosive material that this imitation IED was supposed to detonate. Or not. I can see the "I" and the "D," but the "E" part seems conspicuously absent. I guess the moral to this story if if you're going to fly, make sure you don't bring your ID to the airport.

Of course, if the little lump of Play-Doh she'd been playing with had been C-4 and her circuit board contained some means to detonate it, and it had somehow been attached to the detonator, the explosion would have been more than enough to blow off her hand and to seriously startle people tens of yards in every direction, possibly causing numerous whiplash injuries. And probably bring down any passing aircraft.

I suppose that from a distance someone might reasonably wonder whether it might be a bomb or be intended to look like a bomb, but on closer inspection, I'd think they'd be able to recognize that it was obviously neither. After all, anyone who's flown commercial in the last few years knows that bombs look like this:

Or this:

Or maybe sometimes (though rarely) like this:

Of course, after having made a huge show of force with their MP-5s at the ready and all that they couldn't just let her go with a nice: "Sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am, but we have to check these things out. Can't be to careful these days." But no, that might make their initial reaction look slightly hysterical. So rather than risk looking a little foolish, they have to arrest her charge her with something.

And, of course, it was the "hoax device" thing, same as the Aqua Teen guys.

And, as with the Aqua Teen guys, the Authorities don't have a legal leg to stand on, but what the hell, the chances of ending up like Ray Nagin for are about one in a billion. Maybe by threatening to prosecute her for a felony (which would cost her tens of thousands of dollars even though she'd win), they can get her to plead to a misdemeanor disorderly conduct or something.

Just enough to protect them from a lawsuit. Or maybe some sort of deferral thing with an apology and community service.

Same as the Aqua Teen guys.

G-ddamn hysterical fascist ninnies. I wish they'd get the hell out of my country. Or at least learn to tell the difference between a cute geek-chick and a terrorist.

Maybe this would help-- Cute Geek Chick:


(For anyone who's interested, here's a more in depth story from MIT's student paper: the story.)

And for anyone who's wondering about the title of this post, watch this:

I know it's totally irrelevant, but it's what I associate with Boston. Along with wacky liberals and jack-booted thugs.


Monday, September 10, 2007

Carbon Credits Anyone?

A friend was kind enough to send me a couple seedlings to replace two of the tall pines I lost in the hurricane a couple years ago. Since everything grows like weeds here in East Podunk (it's the wet spot of Texas, after all), if they don't die in the first month, they'll be furiously sucking up carbon for the next forty years or so.

Since I have achieved a carbon-neutral lifestyle by other means, I have no need for the carbon offsets that these trees will provide. If anyone would like to buy the offsets, which I figure to be not less than five hundred pounds per year per tree, I will let the offsets go for £500 per tree per year. (The two trees should be worth about 20 minutes per year on a Gulfstream V, so if you know any earth-conscious celebs, please forward the link.)

I expect you may be wondering what "other means" I've found to become carbon-neutral. It's quite simple, really. As we all know, growing trees absorb gobs and gobs of carbon from the atmosphere, but that carbon is returned to the atmosphere when wood or wood products are burned or allowed to decay. However, when they're buried, that carbon is sequestered for all time.

So what I do is that when I shop, I always look for products with the most possible paper or cardboard packaging. And then, rather than recycle, which would just keep that carbon in circulation, I throw it away so that it can be hauled off to the local landfill where it will be buried and its carbon forever--or at least for the foreseeable future--removed from the atmosphere.

If we'd all just do little things like this to help the Earth, I'm sure the Global Warming catastrophe could be avoided. So please, do your part--buy my excess carbon credits and always buy the product with the most unnecessary packaging. The Earth and I are counting on you.

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Friday, September 07, 2007

More Internet Quizzes

You Are Incredibly Logical

Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic
You think rationally, clearly, and quickly.
A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!