The Oozinator.

As much as I wanted this to be a sick joke, it isn't. It's a real product, available from Toys R Us through Amazon.com.

Just click on the "Oozinator Delights Children" link below and watch the commercial. You'll see what I'm talking about:

The Oozinator Delights Children.

And don't forget to check out the archived Amazon reviews.

Movies I've Liked: Mother Night

Not new, but it's new to me. But Mother Night is a pretty good adaptation of what I consider to be Kurt Vonnegut's best work, and probably one of the best books of the 20th century. It's worth adding to the Netflix queue for one of those quiet, thoughtful evenings with a couple glasses of good whiskey.


Other movies I've found worthy of mention:
V for Vendetta
Titus

The Roomba versus the Rottweiler

This is a Roomba:



This is a Rottweiler:



This is not my Roomba, nor is it my Rottweiler; they're pictures I got from Google Images. But that is what my Roomba and my Rottweiler look like. He's a damned handsome dog. And it's not a bad looking vacuum cleaner.

You are no doubt wondering what they have in common, apart from their good looks. And the answer to that is "the kitchen."

Rottweilers shed a considerable quantity of hair and also tend to track in dirt. And since the Rott lives in the kitchen, that's where it accumulates.

The Roomba is a robotic vacuum cleaner designed to pick up such things as dirt and dog hair.

Obviously, a match made in heaven.

Or not.

It seemed to me like a good idea to let the Roomba sweep the kitchen floor. The dogs weren't so sure about that. (I say "dogs" plural because there's also my ex-wife's Toy Poodle Pomeranian mix that also lives in the kitchen for the time being.)

So I started the thing going and left it. I checked in now and then, and the dogs were just avoiding it. When it approached, they moved. No problem.

But then they started barking at it. The Rott's as mild-mannered as Clark Kent, so I suspect the yappy little punting dog was the instigator. But whichever it was, it prompted me to divide the room into their part and the Roomba's part. Problem solved, I thought.

But then the barking started again. I ignored it at first, but when it didn't stop, I got annoyed.

So I went into the kitchen to quiet things down, and when I opened the door, it looked like Freddy Krueger had paid a visit. This is what Freddy Krueger looks like:



There was blood spattered everywhere, one no longer vacuuming robotic vacuum cleaner, and one Rottweiler licking his paw. I wish I'd had a working camera so I could post a picture.

In the end, there was no harm done to the Roomba and it started right up again when I pressed the start button, but the victory goes to the Rott. And the big looser was me, who spent way more time cleaning up the blood than I ever would have sweeping the floor. No more Roomba in the kitchen.

Remember when MTV was new?

Once upon a time, back when MTV was new, music videos were occasionally creative and entertaining and even worth watching. And there's a pretty big collection of them here. Not all the best, but still quite a few memories. Who could forget Wall of Voodoo or Timbuk 3?

Wine Reviews: Cardinal Zin

Last Christmas, my brother and his wife gave me several bottles of wine with interesting names or lables. I finally got around to opening one. And it was this:

This isn't quite the right label, but it's the best Google Images had. Mine says "3002 Yeastly Bold Wines." And yes, the year is 3002.

My impressions: Full bodied, unpretentious, slightly astringent, smells nice, tastes good. Hints of black pepper, wild cherry, blueberry. In other words, everything a good Zinfandel should be.

I suppose some people might be put off by the screw cap. But I'm not among them. As far as I'm concerned (and all right thinking people agree), the only advantage of a genuine cork its it's alleged "romantic" appeal. A screw cap, on the other hand, has the advantage that it can be removed without tools, it won't dry out and crumble, and it won't react with the wine in a nasty way.

I like it.

Another Place Holder: Silly Blog Stuff

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

The Art of the Nigerian Scam, Part 6: A Capital Effort!

Yet another Nigerian spam:

urgent response needed

DR momoh adams.
DIRECTOR OF INVESTIGATION,
UNION BANK OF NIG. PLC,
MARINA-LAGOS,
NIGERIA.

I AM SEEKING FOR YOUR COOPERATION TO PRESENT YOU TO MY BANk AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR RICHARD PETERSON, A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR WITH NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM COOPERATION (NNPC): SO THAT THE SUM OF USD$26.8M=ILLION WILL BE PAY TO YOU AS THE BENEFICIARY. FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM THE= DIRECTOR OF INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT WITH UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF UNION BANK OF NIG.PLC, MANDATED ME TO LOOK FOR ANY KNOWN RELATION OF MR RICHARD PETERSON,SINCE, AFTER HIS DEATH 5/1/03, HOWEVER ALL MY EFFORTSTRACES ABORTIVE,

THAT IS THE MAIN REASON I AM WRITING YOU THIS TO ASK FOR YOUR COOPEARATION FOR US TO CLAIM THIS MONEY, SINCE YOU ARE A FOREIGNER.I ONLY HAVE TO APPROVE YOU, THIS FUND WILL BE PAY TO YOU AS THE BENEFICIARY

WE ARE TO SHARE THIS MONEY BETWEEN OURSELVES (I AND YOU) IF YOU ARE REALY IN TERESTED IN THIS OFFER YOU SHOULD CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY.
FOR DETAIL OF THIS TRANSACTION AND PRECEDURE. PLS DO FORWARD ME YOUR FULL NAME, ADDRESS, PHONE AND FAX NUMBER, YOUR COMPANY NAME OR OCCUPATION THESE INFO, ARE VITAL TO THE SUCCESS OF THIS TRANSACTION.
NOTE THAT THIS IS RISK FREE BUSINESS, THIS TRANSACTION WILL COMMENCE IMMEDIATELY THERE IS INTEREST FROM YOU.




YOURS TRUELY

DR momoh adams.

It's pretty clear that what "DR momoh adams" has to say is pretty darned urgent since he felt the need to shout all the way through. Sorry, Doc. This is one of the least creative, least competent entries I've yet seen.

For the last installement in The Art of the Nigerian Scam, click here.

The Art of the Nigerian Scam, Part 5: The Fun Continues Unabated!

In this my latest installment on The Art of the Nigerian Scam, I give you this epistle from my fellow lawyer Barrister Emi Onu:

CHIEF EMI ONU & CO. L.L.B. L.L.M B.L LEGAL PRACTITIONER AND CONSULTANT MEMBER CONSTITUTION DRAFTING COMMITTEE 1995. Hello my friend, I am calling from Benin Republic West Africa. I am Barrister Emi Onu, an English speaking Beninoise, Solicitor & Financial Attorney/Consultant. I was moved to contact you based on the present condition of things here.There is a foreigner who registered with me as his personal Attorney and he was a stock broker as well as a one time secret agent in importing oil from overseas for our former Ministers. My client was also a Diamond/Gold Merchant. So, on 2nd June 2001 my client made a numbered time (Fixed) deposit for US$10.700,000.00(Ten Million,Seven Hundred Thousand US Dollars Only) with a Bank here in Benin,with standing statement/agreement with the bank that all correspond! ences in respect to the fixed deposit contract must be sent to him through my humble chambers. Upon maturity, the routine notification was sent to me, which I dispatched to his forwarding address as usual without no reply. After a month, I sent a remind er which I received from the bank without any reply again. Finally, I discovered from my client's contract employee that he died among many others on Sept.11, 2001 Terrorist attack. But,he died without making any will and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.I also discovered that he did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his fixed deposit contract with the bank.Hencefort, I seek your consent to present you to this bank as the next of kin based on the official letter I just received from his bankers reminding me that BENINOISE LAW states that at the expiration of five(5) years the money will revert to the ownership of the BENINOISE Government if I do not confirm the next of kin to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to my deceased client since you shares the same surname and also from this same country so that the fruits of thisold man's labor will not go into the hands of some corrupt government officials. Note that this transaction is simple and risk free because I will provide expert legal services that will guarantee the successful execution of this deal. If you are interested, please contact me as soon as possible through phone, I shall provide you with more details and how we shall proceed with the claims.I expect you to observe utmost confidentiality and be rest assured that this transaction would be profitable for both of us. Thanks as I await for your reply. Best Regards, Barr Emi Onui Esq.

I think Barrister Emi Onu needs some remedial work in The Art of the Paragraph.

For the previous installment on The Art of the Nigerian Scam, click here. For the next installment, click here.

The Art of the Nigerian Scam, Part 4: Will the Fun Never End?

In my continuing critique of the art of the Nigerian scam, this one gets really poor marks. I don't think Dr. Lukeman is even trying.

From: luke_bello01@yahoo.co.jp
Reply To: lukemanbello18@hotmail.com
To: luke_bello01@yahoo.co.jp
Subject: From Dr.Bello Lukeman.
Sent: Wednesday, May 24, 2006 6:56 AM
From Dr.Bello Lukeman.
Abidjan,Ivory Coast,
West Africa.

Confidential message.
Dearest,

I am writing this mail to you from my residence because of how confidential it is,this letter contains some confidential materials and should be deleted from your mail box if you are unable to help me out concerning the proposal.I am the director of international remittance in a bank here in Abidjan.

I and my colleagues have an amount of 28 million dollars belonging to Gen Robert Guei who was shot dead together with all his family last September by the Government soldiers here on an accusation of plotting a failed coup de de tat.this money was 58 million dollars but some have been used in the importation of arms by the General until he met the unexpected death.

I have all the necessary documents involved in the deposition and the withdrawal of the part of the money and the next of kin was his personal security guard who also met his death.Now I want you to stand as the next of kin and help us transfer this amount of money out from hereThis business is 100% risk free and I will prepare all the documentation and prove the source of the fund before the transfer.

I want you to know that this business involves I and 5 top officials in our bank and must not be taken as a joke,I advice you to think very well before responding because we need a very strong hand in this transaction.

Your percentage and other important details will be discussed once I confirm your kind willingness in helping in the transfer.

I await your postive response .

Thanks.

Dr.Bello Lukeman.

For the previous installment in this series, click here. For the next installment, click here.

The Art of the Nigerian Scam, Part 3: Still More Nigerian Fun!

Forget James Brown. I'm convinced those darned Nigerian scammers are the real hardest working men in show business. For the latest installment in my continuing series on the art of the Nigerian scam, I present an angle I hadn't seen before:

From: DeannaDiLabbioAmmon Ammon
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: Special Job Offers
Sent: Thursday, June 8, 2006 9:10 PM
Dear Sir/Madam,

Would u like to work online from home/temporarily and get paid weekly? We are glad to offer you for a job position at our company, KIN HING HONG TEXTILES LTD we need someone to work for the company as arepresentative/book keeper in the USA, Canada and major European countries .

This is in view of our not having an office presently in the USA, Canada and major European countries. You don't need to have an Office and this certainly wont disturb any form of work you have going at the moment.

From the Site, you will find out the Company produces the following varieties of clothing materials: - batiks, assorted fabrics for interior decor, silk and traditional costumes which we have clients we supply weekly in the states. Our integrated yarn and fabric manufacturing operations use state-of-the-art textile equipment from the worlds leading suppliers. Order processing, production monitoring
and process flow are seamlessly integrated through a company-wide computer network.
* The average monthly income is about 4000.00 usd.
* No form of investments from you.
* This job takes only 1-3 hours per day
Our Company manufactures and sells textile and fabrics, we have seller all over the world to distribute our products.
You know, that it's not easy to start a business in a new market. There are hundreds of competitors, close direct contacts between suppliers and customers and other difficulties, which impede our sales promotion. We have decided to deliver the products in upfront, it's very risky but it should push up sales on 25 percent. Thus we need to get payments for our products as soon as possible because customers
can just "forget" to pay.

Unfortunately we are unable to open bank accounts in the USA, Canada and major European countries without first registering the company name. Presently with the amount of Orders we have, we cannot put on hold, For fear of loosing the customers out rightly. Secondly we cannot cash these payments from the USA, Canada and major European countries soon enough as international Cheques take about 14 working days for cash to be made available. We lose about 75,000 USD of net income each month because we have money transfer delays.

YOUR TASK
===============
Your task is to coordinate payments from customers and help us with the payment process. You are not involved in any sales. Our sales manager sells products.
Once he makes a sale we deliver the product to a customer (usually through FEDEX).
The customer receives and checks the products. After this has been done the customer has to pay for the products. About 90 percent of our customers prefer to pay through Certified Cheques and Money orders based on the amount involved. We have decided to open this new job position for solving this problem.

Your tasks are:
===================
1. Receive payment from Customers
2. Cash Payments at your Bank
3. Deduct 10% which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed
4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to.

Payment is to forward either by Money Gram or Western Union Money Transfer. Local Money transfers take barely hours, so it will give us a possibility to get customer's payment almost immediately.

For example you've got 3000.00USD
You take your income: 300.00 USD
Send to us: 2700.00 USD

First month you will have 15-20 transactions on 3000.00-4000.00 USD So you may calculate your income.

For example 18 transactions on 3500.00 USD gives you up to 4410.00 USD
Plus your basis monthly salary is 1000.00 USD
Total: 5410.00 USD per month

After establishing close co-operation you'll be able to operate with larger orders and you'll be able to earn more.

Our payments will be issued out in your name and you get them cashed in your bank deduct your weekly salary and forward the balance to the company via western union money transfer or money gram money transfer.

We understand it is an unusual and incredible job position. This job takes only 3-7 hours per week.

You'll have a lot of free time doing another job; you'll get good income and regular job.

But this job is very challenging and you should understand it. We are looking only for the worker who satisfies our requirements and will be an earnest assistant.

We are glad to offer this job position to you. If you feel that you are a serious and earnest worker and if you want to work for KIN HING HONG TEXTILES LTD, a letter of employment would be sent to and you would fill it out and send back via email and you will receive necessary information in 1-48 hours.

KIN HING HONG TEXTILES LTD
207-129 Yu Chau Street,
Shamshuipo, Kowloon,
Hong Kong.
Tel/Fax: 852-301-40145

Who'd have thought that a big Hong Kong textile company would need to spam the internet looking for someone to deposit checks for them rather than just having their lawyers arrange to register the name and set up a bank account.

According to this site:

The scammers are not Chinese (or even Asian) but Nigerian. They mail their "representatives" fake checks from "customers" to deposit in their personal or business accounts. Often these are written on blank check forms stolen from legitimate businesses. Provided the business whose check is abused has sufficient funds in its account, the check will initially clear (it will usually only bounce when the business receives the deposited check that it never wrote). When the check clears the "representatives" wire the amount to a bank account in another country, such as Japan, Taiwan, China, the Netherlands or the UK. By the time the fake check bounces (which can take a month), the money is already out of the country and the representative is left to pick up the losses, often tens of thousands of dollars.

I can't believe enough people actually fall for this sort of thing to make it worthwhile to run the scams. But I suppose Mr. Barnum understood people a lot better than I ever will (with the caveat that Mr. Barnum probably never really uttered the quote that is famously attributed to him).

For the previous installment in this series, click here. For the next installment, click here.

"That 80s Hair Band of Texas"

That was the entertainment at Antone's last night. That 80s Hair band of Texas is, as the name implies, a band from Texas (Houston, to be exact) covering the tunes of 80s hair metal bands, plus a few other bands that I don't think fairly belong in the "hair band" category. I don't think its so much the hair that fits a band in this category so much as the spandex pants and power ballads.

So, for instance, although everyone in AC/DC has (or had) long hair, they could never qualify as a hair band because none of them would be caught dead in spandex pants, and they'd never stoop to doing 'power ballads.' And then there's also the fact that they're more blusey hard rock than metal. But bands like Motley Crue, Van Halen, Twisted Sister, Ratt, W.A.S.P., Def Leppard, Dokken, and Quiet Riot are all clearly guilty. Bad spelling and an inappropriate use of umlats seem to be a common theme too. (Blogger does not like umlats, thus the pedestrian spelling of "Motley Crue.")

And That 80s Hair Band for the most part covered songs of legitimate 80s hair bands, which, I found, I didn't really like as much as I thought I did. In fact I found that I didn't even recognize most of them, although I'm sure that any serious fan of the genre would. The songs that they played that I knew I liked. It was obvious from their performances of those songs that they're thoroughly competent at what they do. Unfortunately, my taste for hair metal doesn't go much deeper than Van Halen and Def Leppard.

I'd had a long day, I wasn't really getting into the spirit of the show, and I was tired. I ended up leaving a bit after midnight, which was about half way through the second of three sets. For those whose love of the genre extends to the likes of Ratt, Dokken, and Poison, I'd recommend them highly. If you have a shallower appreciation of the music like mine, I'd recommend drinking a lot of beer first.

Just a place holder until I actually have something to say.

You're Switzerland!

While most people think you're sort of stuck up, it's really
just that people don't interest you that much.  That's why you'd rather
just stay out of everything and be as neutral as possible.  Somewhere in
there is an ability to be a psychiatrist because you're so objective, but you
might just be too cold for that.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid