Thursday, December 07, 2006

Life Imitates Satire

Not that long ago, I posted A Musing on Gun Control, which ended with this:

In other news, the BBC reports that, in an article published in the British Medical Journal, researchers have determined that long pointy knives have no legitimate culinary purpose and should be banned.

I kid you not.

I thought it was a joke. Or as good as a joke, anyway. But damned if they're not doing it. A couple months ago, A recent article in The Scotsman reports: "SWORDS will be banned from sale in Scotland in a new effort to tackle the country's 'booze and blades' culture." And there's this gem from the Edinburgh Evening News:

A CONSCIENTIOUS collector has handed more than 500 letter openers to police during the national knife amnesty.

The Edinburgh man, who asked to remain anonymous, surrendered his collection, which he told officers had taken him more than 40 years to amass.

He said he wanted police to take possession of the sharp-edged letter openers after he grew concerned they could fall into the wrong hands.

Damn. Imagine the havoc if a criminal gang got their hands on these:

But my favorite is this, from The Sun: Star Trek Blade Seized

THIS five-foot martial arts sword capable of beheading a man was recovered by shocked cops in a house raid.

The terrifying Batleth weapon is identical to one wielded by Klingon aliens in the Star Trek sci-fi films.

Officers seized the three-handled sword — which has huge pointed blades at either end — at a home in Gloucester.

Jiminy Christmas! I'm ascared just looking at that thing! Obviously designed with one purpose in mind--to kill people! Why else would anyone own such a thing?

I can see why that wussy twig boy might be afraid of some Trekkie with a bat'leth hanging on his wall, but the idea of grown up people getting worked up about other people owning knives or swords or guns is something I'll never understand.

While "Scotland Yard said it was encouraged by the good response to the government's five-week national campaign." at the same time,
"knife amnesties fail to reduce crime, despite taking thousands of weapons off the streets, according to a police report."

So let's sum it up: It's stupid. It's useless. It infringes individual liberty. But so what if it doesn't work; somebody's got to do something! And doing stupid, useless things that infringe individual liberty is what governments do best!

I think it all comes down to this: Our British friends have degenerated into such a state of impotent wussiness that they have become a parody of themselves. Once upon a time, there were a few men in England who were man enough to pull a knife on the King at Runnymede when necessary to secure his agreement to respect their rights. Now that they've given up their knives, there's not much chance anything like that will happen again any time soon.

As Ben Franklin is said to have said, "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." I expect they'll be getting everything they deserve.

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Blogger Laurie said...

I wish they would have had a cage match between Letter Opener Guy and Star Trek Big Knife Bat'leth Thing Guy before they confiscated everything.

Thursday, December 07, 2006 10:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Susan in St. Paul said...

depending on the cage size, letter opener guy could win. I was once padded down in Berlin's tegelhof airport while a machine gun carrying guard stood by. The space was so small she couldn't have pointed it at me if she tried.

I imagine collecting odd weapons distracts the public from the giant waves that seem to be sweeping away people along the coastal paths and roads every so often this past year. Many more people have lost their lives that way than from letter openers and Bat'leths put together.

Then there are the odd random tornados and unusual floods... A tornado hit part of London a short while ago.

Thursday, December 07, 2006 11:57:00 PM  
Blogger Serena Joy said...

Oh, my gawd! I hope none of the guys we represent ever see that stuff. They do enough damage with their Saturday Night Specials. LOL.

Sunday, December 10, 2006 9:37:00 PM  

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